Management Perspectives

MYTH 1: I’ll never be as successful as those other leaders.

Many of us tend to think that the most successful leaders are all super-confident extroverts who have a natural way with people. So, the rest of us surely have a ceiling on how successful we can be, right? But as I’ve spoken with successful leaders throughout my career, I’ve found that there are just as many of us who don’t fit that ‘classic’ success profile. It is just that we all feel like we need to hide that fact and instead pretend that we fit the expected profile and personality. But the reality is that we all have internal struggles, even the most successful leaders. The key is to not let them result in your placing artificial limits on yourself. Be aware of them, figure out how to mitigate them so that they don’t become derailers, and then figure out how to make them work to your advantage. Because those challenges do not have to be limitations; instead, they can provide a diversity of experience and thought that help you thrive as a leader.

MYTH 2: I’m not good at building relationships and networking.

Being an introvert doesn’t equal having poor social skills. It means that you get energy from being alone. Time around others is draining for an introvert. As a corporate executive, I generally spent all day every day in various meetings. That meant that I was in a constant state of being drained and, therefore, a constant state of wanting some alone time to recharge my batteries. When there was down time, my inclination was to close my door and catch up on emails so that I could recharge. But our success as leaders is largely about relationships. If I gave in to my natural inclination to maximise alone time, it would have impeded my success as a leader (plus made my job less fulfilling and enjoyable). The key is to develop techniques for mitigating your default nature of wanting to be alone. For me, it was as simple as leveraging my strengths. I’m extremely organised and task-oriented. So, I turned relationshipbuilding into a task. For each job I had, I created an inventory of that role’s important relationships and key stakeholders and then implemented repeatable processes for building and maintaining those relationships. This could be as simple as scheduling recurring one-onone meetings (or coffees or lunches) with individuals. And making sure those meetings weren’t ‘all business’ but included time for connecting on a personal level and building authentic relationships. Bottom line, for each important relationship, you can establish a goal for that relationship and figure out how to meet that goal, in a concrete and structured way. Instead of being a derailer, relationship building can become an area of strength, even for those of us who are extreme introverts, due to the focus and intentionality we put into building those relationships.

MYTH 3: I don’t need to speak up in the meeting.

I can just follow up one-on-one afterwards. Speaking in a group setting can be stressful because all of those people looking at you. It sort of feels like you’re giving a short spontaneous presentation, but without being able to prepare. All eyes are on you, and you feel the pressure to make a salient point that doesn’t waste everyone’s time. I’d really rather not speak up in those situations. I’m more comfortable speaking to people one-on-one. Early in my career, I would find myself making notes of the points I’d like to make and then following up with the appropriate people after the meeting adjourned. I tried to convince myself that this was a fine way to handle things. But there are problems with that approach. First, it’s inefficient. If it’s something that could substantively alter plans or decisions, I need to say it where all can hear it. It’s pretty frustrating for attendees to arrive at a decision only to have another attendee bring up an important point after the meeting has adjourned. Second, the optics are bad. While you shouldn’t make comments just so people can hear the sound of your voice, if you just sit silently in every meeting, it’s not leaving a very good impression on people and certainly isn’t building their confidence in you as a leader. As uncomfortable as it can be, it is important to speak up in those big meetings and share your thoughts ‘in the moment’. The good news is that the more you do it, and experience success with it, the more comfortable you’ll be doing so in future meetings.

MYTH 4: I don’t have to be a good public speaker.

Introverts are more likely to dislike public speaking, because we don’t like being the centre of attention. I used to try to take the ‘survival’ approach of dealing with this issue, which consisted of trying to avoid giving presentations and, when I did have to give one, just trying to ‘get it over with’. The result was a series of mediocre presentations. I eventually came to the realisation that public speaking was an important part of my job as a leader. Avoiding it simply wasn’t an option. As leaders, we need to be able to effectively communicate to large audiences, whether it be our teams or our stakeholders. This was a situation where either it could control me or I could control it. In other words, I could either dread it and try to avoid it (unsuccessfully) or I could embrace it and figure out how to do it well. Of course, making a decision that you’re going to master something is great, but you then have to move into how you’re going to do so. For me, it was a combination of formal training, adopting the practice of dry-running each presentation, and signing up to speak at conferences. With intentional focus, public speaking is a skill you can transform into a strength, and it can be a difference-maker in your success as a leader.

MYTH 5: I deserve to feel imposter syndrome.

I have found that introverts are more likely to have low self-esteem and experience imposter syndrome. It was certainly true for me. Despite having a successful career, I experienced imposter syndrome every day. And beat myself up over even the smallest mistakes. I found it hard to give myself the grace that I extended to others and felt undeserving of any praise I received. If you experience imposter syndrome, understand that it’s your brain misbehaving, basically trying to trick you into believing something that’s not true, and learn how to mitigate it. Simple techniques like stopping the flow of negative self-talk and learning how to accept compliments (versus trying to argue them away) are helpful first steps.