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There is substantial research showing that people who are successful in a holistic way—not just at making money—have high emotional intelligence. Do not confuse intelligence quotient (IQ) with EQ. Effective leaders allow themselves to be emotional privately. They process it, then come back and give the public their best selves, communicating constructively and listening more than talking.
Are you bombarded with information about the importance of emotional quotient/intelligence (EQ/EI) at work? There is substantial research showing that people who are successful in a holistic way—not just at making money—have high emotional intelligence. Do not confuse intelligence quotient (IQ) with EQ. IQ is an indicator of your ability to solve problems, use logic, grasp, and communicate complex ideas; it is a general indicator of your intellectual capacity.
There are some challenges to the long-standing view that we are born with a finite amount of intellectual intelligence, but the long-standing view is that we do not have much, if any, power to change our IQ. However, EQ measures your ability to recognise emotion, take in the feelings around us, process that emotion constructively in ourselves, and notice it in others, while using that awareness to guide our decisions. This can vitally affect our relationships with others and our productivity and team management results. In a professional world we all now acknowledge that relationships are paramount in every interaction.
Most smart business leaders know that EQ is more important by far than IQ, and that high EQ is a far better indicator of success than IQ. The good news is that while IQ cannot change substantially, EQ most certainly can with concentrated effort.
In our post-pandemic world, we are flooded with information about improving the well-being of our staff. So, do you have to be overflowing with empathy to be a great manager? No, you need to understand why a little toughness in balance with empathy is the way to attract great people, keep and motivate them.
Empathy is defined as ‘the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the emotions, thoughts, or attitudes of another’, for eg, she put an arm around her friend’s shoulders and stood by her in silent empathy.
Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, “Too bad you’re going through that”—but to remain emotionally aloof from their situation.
Empathy is a different way of thinking. It means imaging yourself in the other person’s place. Try imaging, “How must it feel to go through that?”— try and put yourself in that other person’s shoes, to understand their situation from their perspective.
When you express true feelings of empathy for another person you receive another benefit as they do; they feel valued and that their position is understood. To be valued and heard is what most of us want in a human interaction of any kind.
How do leaders get tough empathy wrong? In the context of a professional environment, tough empathy balances the business needs of the organisation with the personal needs of the employees.
Every business has goals, procedures, policies and to find success and must generally meet those goals or exceed them. Quality organisations recognise their people are vital to meeting those goals and try to create an environment where people feel valued enough to flourish but at the same time make it clear that goals must be met. The perfect combination results in people performing at peak efficiency. A little pressure can go a long way in balancing empathy to get the equilibrium right.
We have all heard stories of supervisors or managers who are absolute taskmasters; the kind who say, “I don’t care about your personal problems; I’m only interested in results.” Those managers are so focused on the result and the bottom line that they lose their humanity, at least as far as the well-being of co-workers is concerned. Those are the leaders of yesterday, not tomorrow.
On the flip side, some supervisors or managers are pushovers. They are so empathetic, they listen to everybody’s problems, but the finish line remains in the distant future because they stop workflow with too much attention to the personal care of the staff. Good managers have boundaries and expression of care, even if at times, they must say, “It is unfortunate you’re having this problem, but right now, we have to meet this deadline, so I am asking you to give me some time to get back to you on it.”
‘Tough empathy’ is the sweet spot between the two. A supervisor or manager who understands this concept is probably also a highEQ individual and might say, “My team is like family, I care about what happens to you. I know you have lives outside the office, and I respect those other obligations.
However, we still must hit our goals.” That supervisor will build a safety net into their organisational procedures and policies, so that, if one employee fails, the rest of the team can step in, fill the gap, and get the job done while helping that teammate deal with his/her situation.
In its simplest form, it is about balance and creating a cohesive, mutually supportive business team.
Finding the balance
How does a person find that balance, personally or in business? It requires a lot of introspection. You can start by setting aside some time and asking yourself some questions:
Emotional intelligence assessments are easy to find online, quick to do, affordable, and might change your chances of success substantially for the better.
EI/EQ does not mean giving too much of yourself. It is the awareness of how you react to others and how you see coworkers as feeling and thinking people.
Effective leaders allow themselves to be emotional privately. They process it, then come back and give the public their best selves, communicating constructively and listening more than talking. You can be the tough empathy leader who brings that sweet spot to the team.
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